Triplicate Femme

The Perfect Full Moon

Friday, May 16, 2008

I never thought what I used to write could make me a victim of my own words.
I mean, I've never disagree at any point of time what I chose to convey before..

But you have to understand,
Who I was, and who I am is now totally different.

He shared with me that I used to write..

" you choose to get hurt, dun blame it on anyone else..
.. cause noone can hurt you beyond skin deep .. "
The fact is..
First and foremost,
as much as he don't put any blame on me for this mishap between us,
I never did blame him either.

Secondly, my thoughts grew in time.
I grew up, I matured.
And to be honest, the only reason I ever wrote that was cause I never believed I could really trust someone to give them everything.

Zul, You knew that.

To share about my life, my family, and some personal problems I had along the way.
You were the first guy I opened my heart to, and really allowed myself to be vulnerable towards.

You were one of the few who knew.
That's why I trusted you with my life.
That's what I meant by beyond skin deep.

But in the end,
Have I ever told you that I ever blamed it on you?-

He asked me why I'm doing all this..
He asked me if the reason was him..
I ever told him no.

I knew everything I did, good or bad was because I needed a cure for myself.
As simple as that.
I'm hurt, no doubt.
But only because I lost someone I gave up everything for.

I have every right to get hurt, don't I?
I mean I'm only human, aren't I?

................................................

At one point of time..
He made me believed there was no such thing as perfect.

Just now I saw the most perfect full moon.
And after a long time, I finally smiled..

Coz God finally made me realize something I use to doubt.

In this world, if you believe nothing is perfect..
It will never be.
But if you choose to at least try to make things perfect,
Even if you fail..
At the very least.. You're damn close to reaching it..
I guess the only mistake I ever made was doubting myself.

After today,
I finally had closure.
I finally grasp the reason why we're hanging on a thin thread.
I finally understood his words.
I finally read the lines in between.

That's why I decided to let go.
Really let go.

And probably,
Because the fact that I ultimately gave up everything,
Now leaves me with absolutely nothing more to lose.
So i guess I'm fine.
And I guess now I can smile,
As i pick up the pieces that's left of me.

And though I believe I should always fight to my death.
I think now, I should stop killing myself.

I should start listening..
To the tiny soul inside me..
That tell's me, I'm stronger than this..

I mean,
No point fighting in a losing battle.

But Just note this..

" I may have failed..
But I have loved you from the start.. "
- Fall For You : Secondhand Serendade

Finally LianaLin is back in business,
Signing Off =)

Pinky_Brain_Elymra _ b l o g g e d _ @ 1:16 PM |