I already give it a tot and it juz bring tears to my eyes.. but i hold back..enuf of crying and enuf of sadness.. I hav my own life to live and create.. Onli me noe the best for myself..
For whole of 22years of living in these world, i really dun achieve anytink frm love. Yes, no doubt being in love was a wonderful feeling when the very first time u felt it but as time goes by and wen u fall in love over and over again the feeling of really being in love just withered off.. My love life is juz a cycle which somehow repeats itself without i realising it. Im surrounded with ppl like my cuzins and friends havin a long stable relationship, engagements and marriage..but me?? juz another upside down relationship which im nt so proud off which i dun brag on ppl dat im attached which i dun tell ppl that my bf is this and bf is dat..it is juz silence as though im single.
Its nt that i dunwan to tell or want to under spotlight..No..!! Just that..For wat i show all this to ppl around me wen my partner just want to b hush hush about it?! well we tot the idea together abt the hush hush relationship but wen im ready to tell the world or even put our pic together he juz said "huh?tkpayah lah buat ape?"..(if i gt it rite) well all this i just statements which u as a reader dun judge on..i dun care abt all dis..
The thing that i really care is abt my rocky relationship.. After the pace of THAT PARTICULAR PERIOD He stops saying 'I love you' animore He stops saying 'I miss you' animore
Ok it is juz words to some ppl but wen i asked him abt this he juz said tht "im not very expressive person." or "asal dgn u ni..dah dah tkmo mental" (i was like HUH?!)
But wen i scroll back to some of his smses tht he sent me i saw words like darlings, i miss u, i love you.. whats all this ?? i asked myself..he did dis before..why he stops? it was dated JUNE06 and tht is nt long time ago.
Yes he was so wonderful and adoring of what he did on my bday. i will remember dat for all my life. But that was MAY06..(for those who attend my bday dis yr would understand dis part). Again i asked myself again why is stopping him?
Lastly i almost forgot how sweet he hv been too me..on one of our outings he juz giv a stalk of pink rose which caught me by surprise..and i still keep the pink rose. (this is the period where my pic is a pink rose at MSN). And again i asked myself why is stopping him?
I concluded that his statement that 'Im nt an expressive person' is BULLSHITS. And im so stupid to just take his comment and make him control my life. I realise now that he dosent love me anymore. He doesnt miss me anymore. Im just another person to him which have been by his side. I give it a thought and if things dont worked out MY WAY i juz want to let him go. I dunno wen that day will come by, if it does come i will just let him go no matter how much i love him and how much hurtful it can be. I will move on.
Afterall this is not my worse relationship but indeed the best one. It will just be another memories...
**So LiNNie You are a very lucky person to have a bf which still so much in love wif u :D**
